I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
