I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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