Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
