like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
