I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
