i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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