I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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