Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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