his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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