Buhtt sex?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My ATM looks so different sober.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
