You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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