apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
