he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
