every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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