Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
