I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
