I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
