I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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