I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
