It's like God shit irony all over that family
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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