a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
