two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
