the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
