I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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