worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Too much gin, very little bucket
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
