you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Randomize
