so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
