oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
