In the future we'll all be gay
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
whose parrot is this?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
this is an emotional support booty call
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
