Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
