oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
