My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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