it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
