I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
