i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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