he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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