My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
