I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
No more Irish car bombs ever.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
