for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
