He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
