Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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