i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
