Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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