I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
