its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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