have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
