how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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