Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
