This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
