I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Two words: nipple clamps
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