Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
