What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The best revenge is premature balding
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
