Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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